well EQ is defenetly a MUST, the overall volume of the track is really low, I think the main lead repeats itself too many times and too frequently, continue working and exploring, you on the right way step by step and you will make it
instead of making 16 minutes track, try make 3-5 but try to make them better, after you will learn to do nice sketches it will be easier to finish good track, try working on small demos